Hi universe and Facebook folks.
I try to never post personal things but I thought about it and I’m gonna make an exception. Because I need to and its the one chance I have to shoot a message out into the further one that’s long overdue and that can never be delivered in person. One that hopefully will cancel out the bad.
Its valentines day. I cant help but look back and think on the ones in my past. I had romantic ones. I had ones that I was romantic but not genuine. I’ve had lonely and desperately sad ones. I had one where I broke up with the girl on it. I seem to make progress then fall back progress then fall back. I’m the first to admit it I’ve been a bad guy. I torched my bridges, on purpose, by accident, deservedly after being just terrible, and as a result of sheer stupidity my vices and a bipolar manic episode. I’m kinda down right now so I know I’m overdue for my meds. Mental health is nothing to ignore nor joke about.
So I am alone. I had someone someone special and I did all I could to ruin it and I did, truly terribly and in the worst ways. I’ve been the horror story you’ve told your gf’s about over drinks.
BUT I’ve learned . . . the hard way. I’m older and suffered for years worth of transgressions. But even so. I just wanted to say I’m so very sorry to all of you I let down so badly. To the Girlfriends, the ones I shoulda made my gf, to the friendships I messed up, the passing ships that I sunk and all the rest going all the way back to the beginning . . . 16 years old. I’d just like to say. I should have done a lot better and you deserved to have been treated a lot better. I was always selfish.
I have a chance at a fresh start and I wont pass it up. When I met that next gal I’ll have 16 years worth of making up to do. Luckily I wont be alone today on valentines day I have my friend and a night out at the movies. I consider myself pretty lucky.
So to the future Mrs. were ever you maybe I say this: I will never stop trying to earn your trust and love and being worthy of you. I will always put you first. I will never stray, I will be that shoulder when you need it, your strength when you have none, the friend you should have, the considerate lover that I never truly was, the guy that makes your Mom and Dad sigh a relief and think she’s well taken care of, and a good man, the kind to be proud to stand next to in any photo and at any time or moment. I can not make up for the past but I can spend my future trying to be who I shoulda and could have been and the man I would like to become.
I can and will try harder.
I am sory.
Happy Valentines Day